A Burnt Orange Christmas Ditty

by Larry Carlson, with apologies to Clement C. Moore

'Twas the night before Christmas,

When throughout Bellmont Hall

Not a creature was stirring,

There hung quite a pall.

The stockings were hung, though there would be no bowl,

And many predicted just small lumps o' coal.

Longhorn Nation was tossin' and turnin', not snug in their beds,

Mem'ries of Rose and Sugar Bowls still danced in their heads.

That big loss to Kansas killed a Liberty Bowl cap,

No reward for five-seven, just a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

CDC sprang from his bed of nails to say, "What's the matter?"

When what to his bleary eyes began to show

But a tricked-out NIL sleigh packed with six young Bevos.

A second-year driver filled with new play-calling spark,

All knew in a minute that it must be Coach Sark

More rapid than fresh hopes, these Bevos they came

And Sark whistled loudly, then called 'em by name.

On Bijan, on Worthy, on Roschon, now "Snacks,"

On O'Shown and Jamison, set for touchdowns and sacks.

Sark stood in his sleigh, gave a shrug and a yell,

"Okay...All gas and no brakes did not work so well."

The fans want a guy like Bama's Bryce Young

Because VY's and Colt's sweet songs have been sung.

But before we worry 'bout St. Nick Saban headed to town,

We'll hit hard the portal and try not to frown.

At least get a "W" against UL-Monroe,

That's cause in December for a big "Ho Ho Ho."

We need more "elites" and a,rough, nasty "D"

Before we can ball in that tough S-E-C.

It might take two years to gather those men

Then grow and develop, and hit the top ten.

But I heard Sark sing out, as he rode out of sight,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, TEXAS FIGHT!

Final Countdown of Tunes for '21

(An eclectic mix of song titles customized for Longhorn Nation in not-so-lucky '21)

21. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction Rolling Stones

20. Darkness Eminem

19. Ain't That A Kick In The Head Dean Martin

18. Figure It Out Blu DeTiger

17. Why Baby Why George Jones

16. It's A Shame The Spinners

15. Ups & Downs Paul Revere & The Raiders

14. I Feel For You Chaka Khan

13. That's Life Frank Sinatra

12. Same Ol' Mistakes Rihanna

11. Runnin' On Empty Jackson Browne

10. Destination Unknown Missing Persons

9 Crazy Patsy Cline

8. Can't Explain The Who

7 Cry To Me Solomon Burke

6. Mercy, Mercy, Mercy Cannonball Adderley

5. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards Tame Impala

4. REALiTi Grimes

3. Sunday Mornin' Comin' Down Johnny Cash

2. Nothing I Can Do About It Now Willie Nelson

1. I'll Be Home For Christmas Bing Crosby